Process Praise: Building Resilience and Motivation

When I first started working with students, I said the phrase "good job" constantly. So much so that when I ran into a former student at the grocery store, he greeted me with, "Hi, Ms. Good Job!" He explained that I'd said it so many times during our one-hour session together that it became my nickname in his mind. What struck me most was his next comment: he knew he wasn't doing well on the tasks I'd given him, but I kept saying "Good job!" anyway.

While I genuinely meant it every time (he was trying his best, using different strategies to problem-solve, and advocating for himself), I realized I was missing crucial opportunities. My well-intentioned praise wasn't identifying what he was actually doing well.

As my experience and understanding of student motivation deepened, I learned to give more meaningful feedback. I discovered that the words we use with children don't just affect them in the moment—they become part of their internal dialogue, shaping how they see themselves, approach challenges, and persevere through difficulties for years to come.

When we understand that our praise and criticism today becomes their inner voice tomorrow, choosing our words thoughtfully becomes one of the most powerful gifts we can give the children in our lives.

Why Praise Matters More Than You Think

Praise is far more than a feel-good moment – it's one of the most powerful tools we have for shaping a child's development. Research consistently shows that the way we acknowledge children's efforts and achievements directly impacts their motivation, resilience, and willingness to take on challenges.

Studies in developmental psychology reveal that children who receive consistent, thoughtful praise develop stronger self-regulation skills, better emotional resilience, and higher academic achievement. Carol Dweck's groundbreaking research on growth mindset demonstrates that children who are praised for their effort and process rather than their intelligence show greater persistence when facing difficult tasks.

Every time we offer praise, we're sending messages about what matters, what's valued, and what's worth pursuing. Over time, these messages accumulate, creating a blueprint for how children see themselves and their capabilities. The way parents and teachers talk to children eventually becomes their own inner voice. A child who consistently hears positive messages about themselves develops a positive self-image; a child who consistently hears negative messages about themselves develops a negative self-image.

Why Students with Learning Differences Need Even More Praise

For students with attention and learning disabilities, this inner voice becomes even more critical. These children often face more frustration and setbacks than their peers, making it essential that their internal dialogue supports resilience rather than self-doubt.

Research from the National Center for Learning Disabilities shows that students with learning differences receive significantly more corrective feedback and criticism than their typical peers. By middle school, many of these students have internalized messages of failure and inadequacy, despite having average or above-average intelligence.

Children with learning challenges often experience:

• More frequent academic struggles and corrections

• Increased social difficulties due to attention or processing differences

• Higher rates of anxiety and depression

• Lower self-esteem and academic confidence

This makes intentional, strength-based praise not just helpful, but essential for their emotional and academic development. When we consistently highlight their efforts, strategies, and growth, we help counteract the negative messaging they may receive elsewhere.

Process Praise > Product Praise

It's not just about providing praise – it's about how you provide praise to a child. Praise that focuses on their effort over innate ability encourages children to believe their ability can improve with practice, attribute success to hard work, enjoy challenges, and increase their ability to set and accomplish goals (Gunderson et al., 2013).

The way parents and teachers talk to children eventually becomes their own inner voice. A child who consistently hears "You're so smart when you figure things out quickly" may develop an inner voice that says "I must not be smart" when they struggle. But a child who hears "I can see you're thinking hard about this problem" develops an inner voice that says "It's okay to take time to work through challenges."

🚫 Product Praise is outcome-based and focuses on fixed traits or abilities:

• "You are so good at reading!"

• "Yes! You got an A!"

• "You're so well behaved."

• "You are such a kind person."

• "You're so athletic!"

👏🏻 Process Praise focuses on effort, strategy, and self-improvement:

• "I noticed when you went back and reread that sentence when it didn't make sense. That's what good readers do!"

• "Your preparation showed. You studied each night this week, and it paid off."

• "You made a good choice to take deep breaths when you felt frustrated."

• "When you shared your snack, you showed real thoughtfulness."

• "Your footwork has really improved since you started practicing those drills."

A Simple Framework for Process Praise: The E.S.S. Method

To make process praise easier to remember and use, try the E.S.S. framework:

E - Effort: Notice and acknowledge the work they put in

• "You spent a lot of time on that project."

• "I can see you didn't give up when it got difficult."

S - Strategy: Highlight the approach or method they used

• "You broke that big problem into smaller steps."

• "Using that checklist helped you stay organized."

S - Specificity: Point out specific, concrete improvements or learning

• "Your handwriting is much clearer than last week."

• "You remembered to add details to make your story more interesting."

This framework helps you move away from generic praise like "Good job!" to specific feedback that teaches children what behaviors and approaches lead to success.

The Long-Term Impact

When we consistently use process praise, we're not just making children feel good – we're teaching them to value growth, effort, and resilience. These children grow up believing they can improve their abilities through hard work and smart strategies.

They become adults who embrace challenges, learn from criticism, and persist through obstacles. In other words, they develop the mindset they need to succeed in school, relationships, and life.

Your Next Steps

Start small. Pick one type of process praise to focus on this week. Maybe it's acknowledging effort or highlighting specific strategies your child used. Pay attention to how they respond – you might be surprised by the positive changes you see.

Remember, changing how we praise takes practice. Be patient with yourself as you develop these new habits. Your thoughtful words today are building the foundation for your child's future success and happiness.

The children in our lives deserve praise that helps them grow. When we choose our words carefully, we give them a gift that lasts a lifetime – the belief that they can overcome challenges and achieve their goals through effort and perseverance.