Developing a Positive Mindset (for you and your child!)
- Rebecca Bollar
- Mar 3
- 5 min read
“I’m going to fail the spelling test. I’m so bad at spelling!”
“All the kids in my class think I’m weird.”
“My teacher is mad at me.”
“I’m so cooked.”
Have you or your child ever been stuck in a negative thought cycle? It happens to all of us. The question I keep coming back to: how do we validate our emotions without letting automatic negative thoughts take over?
We're living through a very real youth mental health crisis, and our kids are feeling the weight of it. Here are some scary statistics to help paint the picture of youth mental health in the United States:
Nearly 1 in 3 high school students (30%) reported feeling "so sad or hopeless almost every day for two or more weeks in a row" that they stopped their usual activities. For teen girls, this number is a staggering 43% (more than 2 in 5). [Source: CDC Youth Risk Behavior Survey (YRBS), 2023]
Diagnoses of anxiety and depression among U.S. children aged 6-17 have increased by nearly 30% in recent years. [Source: JAMA Pediatrics]
In national surveys, 83% of teenagers cite school and the pressure to get good grades as a "significant" or "top" source of their stress. [Source: American Psychological Association (APA) Stress in America Survey]
For students with learning challenges, negative thinking patterns run especially deep. When school feels hard every single day, the brain starts to expect difficulty. They are not being dramatic; their experiences are genuinely harder. That's why this work matters so much, and why it requires patience and consistency.
Just like building a reading skill, developing a positive mindset takes time. It requires consistency, frequency, and duration, but when you stick with it, and help your child start to see the world through a clearer, brighter lens, these positive thinking skills will carry them well into adulthood.
Step 1: Learn to label and recognize your emotions.
Before kids can manage emotions, they need the vocabulary to name them. Most kids learn the basics early; they can generally recognize happy, sad, and mad from a young age. But emotions are far more nuanced than that. Frustrated is different from overwhelmed. Nervous is different from scared. Helping kids expand their emotional vocabulary will help them better understand themselves and whoever they interact with.
It’s also worth teaching them that emotions “hold hands.” We rarely feel just one thing at a time. A child can be excited and nervous about a school play, or proud and embarrassed about getting help from a teacher.
Mood meter: Introduce a simple check-in tool where kids rate and track how they’re feeling throughout the day.
Trigger tracker: Over time, start tracking triggers: what happened right before this emotion showed up? Patterns become visible quickly, and awareness is always the first step.
Step 2: Build an Emotional Regulation Toolkit
Once kids can label their emotions, the next step is understanding what to do with them. The key is practicing these strategies regularly, not just in moments of crisis. It takes about two months of consistent practice to build a habit, so the goal is to make these tools feel automatic.
💡PRO TIP: Introduce these tools when your child is emotionally regulated, not when they are already in panic mode.
Box breathing: Teach your child to slowly trace a square in the palm of their hand, breathing in as they trace up the side of the square, hold as they trace across the top, breathe out as they trace the other side, and hold as they trace the bottom. It’s tactile, calming, and easy to remember.
Rhythmic vestibular stimulation and proprioceptive input: This is the winning combination to help kids feel grounded and move difficult emotions out of the body. Start with rhythmic jumping, spinning, or swinging activities (things like jumping on a trampoline, swinging on a swing, or rocking back and forth on a yoga ball). Then, follow it up with lifting, pulling, or pushing heavy objects (like pushing a heavy box across the floor, tug-of-war, or carrying grocery bags from the car).
Journaling: Writing has a remarkable ability to process emotion. For kids who resist writing, try voice memos, drawing, or even dictating to a trusted adult. The format matters less than the reflection process.
Step 3: Learn to Reframe Your Thoughts
Here’s where the truly transformative stuff happens! Negative thoughts aren’t just feelings; they’re neural pathways. Every time we revisit a negative thought, we reinforce that pathway in the brain, creating a vicious cycle of negative thinking.
However, positive thinking is a skill, and skills can be learned and strengthened with practice. Learning to recognize a negative thought and then counteract it with 3 positive thoughts literally rewires the brain for positive thinking. Each time a negative thought is replaced with a positive one, we are creating a new pathway in the brain. As you continue to practice positive thinking, that neural pathway is reinforced. Eventually, positive thinking becomes the automatic default mode.
“Flip it” Strategy: Write the negative thought on a notecard, then flip it over and write a more balanced, realistic version on the back.
Negative thought - “I always fail spelling tests”
Realistic reframing - “Spelling is hard for me, and I’m working on it.”
“Ugh, but…”: Recognize when something crummy happens, then practice noticing the positive. Try stating thoughts, like this: “Ugh, [bad thing that happened/negative thought], but [good things that also happened/positive thought].”
“Ugh, we lost the soccer game, but I made a great pass in the 2nd quarter.”
“Ugh, it’s indoor recess today, but I get to play my favorite card game.”
“Ugh, I failed the math test, but I understand what I did wrong and can do better on the next one.”
Practice gratitude: Just like negative thinking becomes habitual, positive thinking can become habitual. Make it part of your family’s routine to have everyone state 1-3 things they are grateful for. This is a great activity for around the dinner table, in the car on the way to school, or part of the bedtime routine.
Building a positive mindset isn't a quick fix, and it won't happen overnight. But you don't have to overhaul your entire routine to make a real difference. Small, consistent moments add up. Every time you help your child name an emotion, take a deep breath together, or flip a negative thought into a more balanced one, you're literally helping their brain grow in a new direction.
For students facing learning challenges, this work is especially worth the effort. They've often spent years hearing the message that things are hard for them. It's time we help them rewrite that story, one thought at a time.
Action Plan
Name it together. At dinner tonight, ask everyone at the table to share one word describing how their day felt. That's it. Simple vocabulary practice goes a long way.
Teach box breathing before bedtime. Practice tracing that square on your child's palm when they're already calm and relaxed, so it's ready to go when they need it most.
Start a "3 Grateful Things" habit. Pick a consistent time, the car ride to school, dinner, or lights-out, and make it a family thing. Everyone participates.
Model the "Ugh, but..." framework. The next time your child (or you!) hits a frustrating moment, model it out loud: "Ugh, traffic is terrible, but we get extra time to talk." Kids pick this up fast when they see grown-ups using it too.
